Monday, February 23, 2009

Thinking big

We have an economic crisis.

We import too much oil.

We have a worldwide battle with radical Islam going on.

We are losing manufacturing jobs because we can find cheaper labor outside the U.S.

Russia is re-asserting itself as a power state run by criminals.

The U.S. is the only power capable of dealing with these issues.

Maybe, it is time to think bigger.

As in, more states.

Fifty is not a magic number. It started with 13. It then became economically and strategically attractive to both the U.S. and some nearby geographical territories to increase the size. Why have we stopped?

Alaska and Hawaii prove that being contiguous aren't necessary for statehood.

For all the funding we have given a number of foreign countries, we might as well get the benefit of owning them.

Here is a starter list.

Mexico

We have bailed them out a few times before, so why not let them join the current party?

There is a joke that Mexicans tell on themselves. God was creating the earth and he said, "I am going to create a country with two beautiful coastlines. Mountains. Every natural resource man could ever need including gold, coal, and oil." An angel said, "Lord, isn't that too much for one country?" God said, "Don't worry, I will put Mexicans in the middle of it". They know they can't manage what they have, so let's help them out.

We could choke off the drug trade that is threatening our southern border states. We don't have to worry about a long border at all. All we would have to do is build a wall between us and Guatemala.

Mexico has lots of oil and coal that we need.

We could let them be a manufacturing state by not imposing minimum wages and not allowing unions.

We would no longer have to wring our hands about immigration. We could get over our guilt of stealing the land from Texas to California from them.

Just think of how much better our national soccer team would be. Think of the NFL, MLB, NBA and NASCAR opportunities.

And, New Mexico would have a name that makes sense.

The only requirement is that Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Maricopa County in Arizona be made crime czar to clean the place up.

Iraq

This doesn't need much explanation.

We have been involved there since WWII to protect the flow of oil. We need to show Iran that they can't shove us around. It would be alot cheaper than finishing the current fiasco.

And, it would give us lots of room to build inexpensive federal and state prisons.

Three strikes and Iraq. I like the sound of that.

Phillipines

We've done it before, and they still like us. We have given them billions of dollars in support, and continue to do so.

Their form of government is almost identical to ours.

They have lots of natural resources.

We could prevent the spread of radical Islam from neighboring island states.

And it would give us an outpost in the South China Sea to let our friends in Beijing know how much we love the area.

Iceland

Heck, they are broke. We could pick it up as a short buy that would be less expensive than the latest request from Chrysler.

It would piss off the Russians. And, it is one of the most developed civilizations in the world. We could learn a thing or two from them.

Georgia

The Russians won't stop screwing with them, and we will have to continue to show support for them. The Russians are cutting off their gas supplies. We will have plenty to ship them from Iraq.

Nobody knows if Georgia is in Europe or Asia. So, why don't we claim them? Then they wouldn't have to deal with all the EU crap. Just Washington.

And it would give us another lovely strategic outpost to monitor our friends in Moscow and the Middle East.

Colombia

Rich in natural resources.

Being de-forested. This would give many well meaning Americans a place to go and fix this. Like, everyone in Berkley.

The source of much of the drugs and crime in the western hemisphere.

We are already spending lots of money and resources helping them in the drug wars.

Neighbors the country of Hugo Chavez who needs to get his ass kicked.



There you have it. The 55 states of America.

President Obama, as soon as Secretary Clinton gets back from begging the Chinese to keep buying our bonds, you might have her get started on this.

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