Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Wiener Says Butts T'aint Clean

And you thought the Maryland jerseys were weird.

Well, in the city by the bay, there are bigger (well, perhaps better said, other) issues at hand.

Sometimes these stories just write themselves.

Apparently in San Francisco, it is not illegal to walk around naked. Anywhere.

Seems odd, but, that's the truth. However, it is illegal to walk around naked and be aroused. Now that's illegal. Even in San Francisco. Seems a rather sexist law if you ask me, but nobody's asking.

But that crazy-assed right wing City Supervisor Scott Wiener (who reperesents the Castro District) has proposed a new ordinance to limit those who can't limit themselves.

"San Francisco is a liberal and tolerant city, and we pride ourselves on that fact," said Wiener. "Yet, while we have a variety of views about public nudity, we can all agree that when you sit down naked, you should cover the seat. And, you should cover up when you go into a food establishment."

Thank goodness we can all agree on something, Mr. Wiener.

So, who is going to determine the adequacy of the seat cover? Won't this require a new civil servant force?

And, what if I am homeless and naked. Who will provide me with a free seat cover?

And, just what kind of food establishment will require covering up? Does that include Trader Joe's? Vegan establishments? A steak house? Surely, you don't consider that red meat as food do you Mr. Wiener?

The first offense, under Wiener's proposal, would carry a $100 fine. Breaking the law a second time within a year's period would land the offender a $200 fine. A third arrest would elevate the crime from an infraction to a misdemeanor and come with a penalty of up to a $1,000 fine and up to a year in county jail.

Uh, Mr. Wiener. I have no place to carry a wallet, so just where am I supposed to come up with $100?

And if I DO get arrested three times, what about my civil rights in prison?

Whilst the rest of the country is dithering about deficits, wars, and other trivial pursuits, just know the good folks in SF are dealing with really ________________ (you fill in the blank) issues.

Submit your suggestions here.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Road Trip from Heaven (Or Hell)

It all started simply enough.

Georgia vs. Boise State in Atlanta on Labor Day weekend.

Me and Zac road trip. Eleven hours over. Eleven hours back.

That was and is the plan.

Oh, but the potential for fables abound.

First, there are the 800 miles between Dallas and ATL. Lots of barbecue. Lots of fried animal parts. Lots of flatulence. Lots of male bonding.

If all goes as planned, we'll swim thru Dreamland in Tuscaloosa on Saturday around 4pm and end up in our seats in the Georgia Dome hollering WOOF by 8.

Oh, but there are a few more opportunities that have been put in our path.

This weekend in ATL, there will be the craziest mashup of rednecks, African Americans, Gay African Americans, Asexual Americans, Weird Ass Americans, White Supremacists from Idaho, Danica Patrick, Comic Book Princesses, Kyle Busch, Larry Munson, Clueless Americans, 2xist Underwear, Big Smith Overalls, two dogs walkin', Super Heroes, men and women posing as Super Heroes, innocent children, and a frightened population ever assembled in one Metro area.

Labor Day weekend in Atlanta. Georgia vs. Boise State. Braves homestand versus the McCourt Dodgers. A NASCAR race. The Black Gay Pride Weekend. Dracon.con (look it up: it's too weird to describe)

And oh, this just in.

Tropical Storm Lee will be dumping 20 inches of rain accompanied by 60 MPH winds all along I-20 on Monday. Our route home.

Don't know where we'll end up, but we're already on our way.

We'll report if we survive.