Thursday, December 31, 2009

How to have a Happy New Year

Go to bed early.

Get up early.

Spend five minutes in quiet meditation.

Fix youself a good cup of coffee.

Turn up your speakers, click on this picture below, and just try and be in a bad mood.

Happy New Day. Happy New Year. Happy New Decade.

Michael Peterson - Sure Feels Real Good

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Safe travels

Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano said that our airport security system worked. If you think those words were taken out of context, listen to her say it in this interview on CNN.

Oh, and there's no reason to suspect this guy was part of any larger threat. Yep, he just picked up an exposive device at the newsstand in the airport. All by himself.

Oh, and there's no reason to believe he was improperly screened.

Nope, everything is hunky dory. She encourages the flying public to relax. She's got it covered.

And now she has some more good news for you.

Ms. Napolitano and President Obama have put forward a new candidate to head the TSA.


Because they believe it is the right of TSA employees to unionize. That's right, unionize the TSA.

They have the backing of President Obama, who promised on the campaign trail that collective bargaining and workplace protections "will be a priority" for his administration. "It is unacceptable for TSOs to work under unfair rules and without workplace protections -- this makes it more difficult for them to perform their jobs," Obama wrote in a letter to the American Federation of Government Employees in October. "Since 2001, TSA has had the unfettered ability to deny its workforce even the most basic labor rights and protections."

This administration does not get it.

They have one objective.

To create more Democrats.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Introducing the world's newest airline

Welcome to Freedom Air.

We are a new airline, designed for today's marketplace.

We are totally different from any airline you've ever flown.

We will make sure your air travel is on time, safe, free of hassles, and productive.

We will have a few different procedures, but you will appreciate the end result.

We believe air travel is not an entitlement. It is a privilege. And it is our job to protect the safety, sanity, time and individual freedoms of our passengers.

When you call us to book a reservation, you will need to provide us your passport information and your bank information. We do not accept cash. Particularly from Nigerian's who have recently spent time in Yemen and whose own father reported to the U.S. Embassy.

Once we have decided to accept your reservation, we will then ensure that your payment is coming from a bank or credit card that is legitimate.

And, we at Freedom Air will decide who flies and who doesn't. If you don't like it, fine. Walk. Take a bus.

For example, if you are a member of the ACLU, the group that contends that all-body scanners at airports are an invasion of privacy, you ain't flyin' with us.

If you are from Yemen, Saudi Arabia, Iran, Iraq, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Syria, Lebanon, Somalia or other places where radical Islamists are allowed to live and prosper, you should make other plans.

If you have a child under 6 years old, you can leave them with grandma. No screaming kids allowed. It obviously makes the kids unhappy, not to mention the other 300 folks on the plane.

You will appreciate our efficient check-in system.

No carry on anything.

No purses. No computer bags. No handheld anything including your boarding pass, which we will stamp on your forehead. This includes cellphones, PDAs, smartphones, iPods, etc. The stuff assholes refuse to turn off after repeated requests by flight attendants.

When you get to our check-in area, you will be handed a Hefty bag. Strip. Naked. Put your clothes and shoes into the bag.

You will then meet our friendly team of Freedom Sniffers. These are our canine friends that will sniff every orafice you have to make sure you aren't hiding anything. If the Sniffers even sense you are fooling around, you will then be given the shocker by our team of cold-handed proctologists.

Once you have passed security, we understand some of you may have modesty concerns. We will have complimentary pasties and g-strings. For an extra $3.99, we have the amazing twirling-tassle pastie. And for just $9.99 more, the Swarovski crystal bedecked g-string.

Your Hefty bag of garments will be loaded on the plane, and will be given back to you once we reach our destination.

Once on board, you will marvel at the technology there to keep you in touch. Every seat has an internet connected computer and telephone so you can stay in touch all along the way.

And comfort. Every passenger gets their own blanket and pillow that is yours to keep. In fact, we insist you take it with you. Nobody wants to share germs with whoever sat there before.

And you will appreciate the added sense of security provided by our flight crew. They are all former Special Ops folks and have worked for Xe, Blackwater, and the CIA. And nope, they will not be naked. And they are all armed six ways to Sunday.

But, you will all be served a real meal with real utensils. You want to try to take one of our birds over with a butter knife? Our team of flight safety folks will be happy to accomodate you. And you will then be passed thru a wood chipper and deposited as compost in a convenient area from 30,000 feet.

Imagine the safety you will sense. Imagine the time you will save. Imagine the frustrations you will avoid.

Arrive safe. On-time. Relaxed.

And we have a simple fare system that anyone can understand. You won't have to worry if the knucklehead next to you paid half what you did.

We charge by the mile. We know that's much different than say, oh, a fare of $800 to fly from Dallas to Northeast Arkansas when the same airline will charge you $300 to fly from Dallas to Seattle.

Nope, common sense wins out here at Freedom Air.

Come fly with us. Our in-flight entertainment this month is the movie Fitna that has been banned from distribution on the internet due to concerns about retaliation from radical Islamists.

And for our longer flights, a made for Freedom Air movie premiere, The Satanic Verses, starring Salman Rushdie and Padma Lakshmi.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The Most Amazing Gift

The issue that we all must deal with is our acceptance or rejection of the Messiah.

Messiah is Hebrew. Christ is Greek. Same meaning.

It is what differentiates Christians (Christ in us) from all other religions.

And, the virgin birth story causes many to question.

It is just too hard to imagine.

It is either true or not.

Either Y'shua (who we call Jesus) was born of a virgin and is the Son of God, or He is not.

That is the question that causes wars. Quandrys. Lost souls.

If He was just a prophet, then the history of the world changes.

The Bible records the story of Maryum (who we call Mary) being a virgin and giving birth to Y'shua.

So does the Qur'an. Or Koran.

In the 19th Sura, here is the official English translation:

[19:16] Mention in the scripture Mary. She isolated herself from her family, into an eastern location.

[19:17] While a barrier separated her from them, we sent to her our Spirit. He went to her in the form of a human being.

[19:18] She said, "I seek refuge in the Most Gracious, that you may be righteous."

[19:19] He said, "I am the messenger of your Lord, to grant you a pure son."

[19:20] She said, "How can I have a son, when no man has touched me; I have never been unchaste."

[19:21] He said, "Thus said your Lord, `It is easy for Me. We will render him a sign for the people, and mercy from us. This is a predestined matter.' "

You can check it yourself.

And you can also check the census of world religions.

Of the 6 billion of us, 2.2 billion are Christian. 1.3 billion are Islamic.

So, 3.5 billion of the 6 billion believe in the Bible or the Qur'an.

And both books say that Maryum gave birth to Y'shua as a virgin, via the Spirit of God.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Muslims who Get It

Dr. Zuhdi Jasser is an American Muslim.

I'll bet you will be amazed by and appreciative of his views.

He runs an organization called the American Islamic Forum for Democracy.

Not to be confused with CAIR or other apologists.

Here is the website.

Listen to him speak.

He gets it.

Radical Islam is a Muslim problem that needs to be stopped by Muslims.

Monday, December 21, 2009

I gots a vine growin' out my jo-jo

Some steak house owners started advertising themselves as "Ten Best Steakhouses in America" years ago in airline inflight magazines. That was a lie. But it apparently worked.

And, it started a regrettable trend. Now in those magazines, you see lists of the "best" Italian restaurants. "Best" seafood restaurants. And so on. All lies. But it must be working.

So, now you see ads listing the "best" doctors in the country. Says who?

Anyway, on a flight yesterday, I perused one of these doctor ads. And one of these blowhards listed his specialty, and it was a new one for me.

Cosmetic vaginal surgery.

I blinked twice, looked again, and yep, he is a specialist in cosmetic vaginal surgery.

Apparently, I've been living in the country for too long. This is a big industry.

Billions of dollars spent by women getting their hoo-hoos nipped and tucked. One doctor in Los Angeles reports doing over $250k a month in tootchie touch-ups.

(I'm wondering if Obamacare is going to cover this. Afterall, it is reported that Nancy Pelosi has had so many facelifts she has to raise her left arm to whiz. But, she can do it standing up, so there is an upside.)

Women, if there was ever any question that you were stronger than men, this proves it beyond a doubt.

First, you have made it popular and expected to allow someone to pour hot wax in your lap and then experience a scene like the Steve Carell chest wax job in "The 40 Year Old Virgin".

Men get squeamish just thinking about the possibility.

And now, you are giving lots of money to doctors who promise to take a knife to your cootchie snorchers.


But this research made me wonder, are there men stupid enough to allow someone to cut on their willie?

And by George, there are.

I swear the following is reprinted exactly as it appears on

By Brian Alexander contributor
updated 1:08 p.m. CT, Thurs., June 9, 2005

When I first interviewed Toronto doctor Robert H. Stubbs way back in 1994, he was a pioneer of a new surgical technique that could add length to a man’s penis. He learned the basics of the procedure from a Chinese physician named Dr. Long.

Yes, Stubbs. Long. Penis lengthening.

So there are a few. But many fewer men going for johnson overhauls than women getting their lady gardens hoed.

And here's why. Men, read the following and see if your face doesn't squinch up.

"The operation also requires extensive after-care, including, insists Stubbs, a regimen of hanging weights off your ding-dong, and even after all that the results are not typically spectacular."

This cosmetic vaginal surgery information would have been handy for a friend of a friend a few years back.

This fellow was doing his residency in an emergency room in New Orleans.

A middle aged woman was in one of the rooms when the young doctor walked in.

"What brings you to the hospital today?"

"I gots a vine growin' out my jo-jo."

The young doctor wasn't familiar with this ailment, so he suggested he give her a thorough examination. He took out his stethoscope and began listening to her lungs and heart.

The woman grabbed the end of the scope and speaks into it, "Doctor, I said I gots a vine growin out my jo-jo."

Young Marcus Welby then had the woman point to her jo-jo, cause he couldn't recall this term from anatomy class.

Once the area was identified, he indeed did see a vine.

Seems this lady had birthed thirteen children and her insides had started to come outside.

So she had placed a potato in her mail slot to keep everything in place.

Would love to know how one of the ten "best" doctors in America would have handled that one.

Friday, December 18, 2009

The Bully

So Iran has started their grab of oil with the takeover of an oilfield in Southern Iraq.

How amazing. The Shia in that area are more closely aligned with, and intimidated by, Iran than the feeble Iraqi government.

Watch the dominoes fall across Southern Iraq. Then Kuwait. Then the island states.

Dubai will be easy prey.

The Strait of Hormuz will become a chokepoint.

The Sauds are already on the phone asking for help from their biggest customer and biggest protector.

President Obama is soon to have a tough choice.

Convert our remaining forces in Iraq into a force to blunt Iran.

Or, say hello to oil priced by the Ayatollah.

I don't expect he'll be offering free coffee with a fill-up. At $5 per gallon.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

A Congresswoman that Gets It

Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen represents the 18th district of Florida, which includes Ft. Lauderdale, Miami and all the way to Key West.

She fled Cuba with her family to escape the oppressive Communist regime of Fidel Castro.

Perhaps it is her first hand knowledge of oppression that makes her such a strong advocate for protecting our freedoms.

Go get 'em, Ileana. We need more smart, tough freedom fighters like you.

Here is an op-ed piece she wrote that appeared in the Los Angeles Times on Monday.

December 14, 2009
Hit Iran where it hurts
The U.S. must be prepared to use every weapon in its political and economic arsenal. The Iran Refined Petroleum Sanctions Act could provide such a tool.

By Ileana Ros-Lehtinen

December 14, 2009

Behind closed doors, the Iranian regime probably cannot conceal its surprise and delight at what it has gotten away with. For more than 10 years, Tehran has succeeded in deceiving foreign governments, thwarting nuclear inspectors and keeping sanctions weak and feckless. During that time, Iran has not broken stride in expanding its nuclear program, and it has now announced plans for 10 new enrichment facilities.

Tehran's greatest feat has been its success in lulling global leaders -- including many in the U.S. administration and Congress -- into complacency, based on the belief that the threat posed by Iran's nuclear weapons program can be negotiated away through engagement and concessions by the West. This approach also largely ignores the totality of Iran's multifaceted threat.

The range and accuracy of Tehran's ballistic missiles continue to improve, with U.S. forces and allies in the Middle East and Europe now within striking distance. Iran is also quickly accumulating an array of advanced conventional weapons in its effort to dominate the Persian Gulf and the world's oil supply.

Iran is designated by the U.S. as the leading state sponsor of terrorism, and it is supporting extremist organizations throughout the Middle East and beyond, reaching even into Latin America. Iran has also assumed a major role in fueling the insurgency in Iraq and is backing Taliban militants in Afghanistan.

Many U.S. officials and congressional leaders seem content to engage in vague and open-ended talks with Iran, acting as though we have a reservoir of time to work with before the Iranian threat reaches critical mass. Yet, in June, the International Atomic Energy Agency, or IAEA, estimated that Iran had already amassed a stockpile of nearly 1,400 kilograms of enriched uranium, which it could use in a "dirty bomb" or pass along to extremist groups or other rogue states.

Just last month, the IAEA made the startling revelation that Iranian scientists may have tested advanced components of nuclear warheads. Nuclear experts note that such technology, once mastered, would allow for the production of smaller and simpler nuclear bombs, and would make it easier for Iran to put a nuclear warhead on a missile. This represents a step that few in the West believed possible.

The IAEA also issued a report last month containing urgent new findings. One was that yet another camouflaged nuclear facility, this time at the recently disclosed Qom site, was at "an advanced state of construction." With additional installations widely suspected, who knows what will be uncovered next.

The IAEA should immediately cease all technical assistance to Iran and should suspend Iran's membership privileges in the organization. Until such actions are taken, the U.S. should not send one more penny of taxpayer funds to the IAEA that benefit Iran's nuclear program.

The regime in Tehran knows only hardball, and nothing less than overwhelming and crippling sanctions could produce a reversal of its threatening programs and policies.

That is why the United States must be prepared to act alone, if necessary, and with every weapon in its political and economic arsenal. The Iran Refined Petroleum Sanctions Act is one such tool. This legislation, which I coauthored, has the support of more than 300 members of the House, and it is urgent that this bill reaches the president's desk before the end of the year. It targets one of Iran's major weaknesses -- namely, its dependency on foreign gasoline and other refined petroleum products. By placing financial sanctions on U.S. and foreign companies providing these crucial resources, Iran's economic lifeline would be severed and its already weak economy would crumble.

But these sanctions must be coupled with action on all fronts. The U.S. must also specifically reject Iran's claim to an inalienable right to produce nuclear fuel. We must strengthen existing laws to prevent the transfer of prohibited materials and technology to Iran. Responsible nations should impose a ban on travel by senior Iranian regime officials and their families to Europe and the U.S. We should strengthen bilateral and multilateral efforts to shut down accounts of those doing business with the Iranian Revolutionary Guard Corps or its affiliated entities; deny Tehran access to euros and U.S. dollars; and freeze the assets of those who violate U.N. sanctions on Iran. Concurrently, we should offer our full support to the Iranian people and increase funding for Iran democracy programs.

The weakness of recent actions has been daunting. The IAEA mustered only a weak censure of Iran; the U.N. Security Council has said that it was disappointed; the White House has maintained its wait-and-see approach; and the Iran Refined Petroleum Sanctions Act continues to languish because many remain true believers in the mirage of engagement. However, the threat is immediate, and the time to act has arrived.

Ileana Ros-Lehtinen (R-Fla.) is the ranking Republican on the House Foreign Affairs Committee.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Who are "We the People"?

Ever seen this horrific image?

Those are the bodies of two Americans hanging from a bridge in Fallujah, Iraq on March 31, 2004.

These two Americans were killed with two others as they provided a security escort for a catering company. They worked for Blackwater.

Hand grenades were thrown at their vehicle. As they exited the burning cars, they were hit with small arms fire. Once dead, they were doused with gasoline, dragged thru the streets of Fallujah, mutilated, and then two of them were hung from the bridge. The other two were eventually found in the Euphrates River.

The San Francisco Chronicle reported that in ” a macabre and murderous town fete, locals cheered as one corpse was attached to a car tow rope and pulled triumphantly up and down the main road….”

The article noted that “In terms of its sheer bestial violence, the attack on the Blackwater operatives was unprecedented….”

Dead were Scott Helvenston, Jerry Jerko, Wesley Batalona, Michael Teague.

Real young men. Doing a legal job. Sons, brothers, husbands, fathers. Hung like charred rats for the world to see.

The mastermind of this attack was Ahmed Hashim Abed. He was code named "Objective Amber", and has been one of the most wanted terrorists in Iraq since 2004.

On September 3 of this year, Navy SEALs captured Abed.

Abed has now complained that during his capture and detention by the SEALs, he was punched in the stomach, and that he also sustained a bloody lip.

Abed made his complaint to Iraqi authorities to whom he was handed over to by the SEALs. He is now back in American custody at an unidentified location.

And amazingly, the U.S. Navy has now arraigned three SEALs based on Abed's complaint.

Julio Huertas, 28, Mattthew McCabe, 24, and Jonathan Keefe, 25, will face a court martial on this in early 2010.

Now imagine what these young men had to risk to capture Abed. And, know that they knew what he had done in Fallujah and other places.

The guy that lit the fuse on all of this, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, the mastermind behind 9/11, has now been guaranteed a trial on U.S. soil. With all rights granted by the U.S. judicial system.

Meanwhile, three Navy SEALs, young men that risked their lives to capture murderous scumbags like Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and Ahmed Hashim Abed, are living in limbo facing the possibility of being demoted, potential brig time, and a dishonorable discharge.

And, they will be tried in the military system. The place where Khalid Sheikh Mohammed was to have been tried until Attorney General Holder decided to treat him to the benefits of the American justice system.

If this bothers you, you can do something about it.

There is a Facebook page to show your support for these heroes.

And, you can write your Senators and Representatives. Already, two letters have been sent to Defense Secretary Gates and the head of Special Ops by bipartisan groups of Congressmen. We need this idiocy to stop.

"We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America."

When and how did foreign enemies of the United States become part of "we the people"?

Monday, December 14, 2009

Student Athletes

Tennessee football recruits Corey Miller (80) and Brandon Willis pose with Tennessee recruiting hostesses Dahra Johnson (left) and Lacey Earps after a game at Byrnes High in Duncan, S.C., on Sept. 25.

The University of Tennessee football program is under investigation for illegal use of hands.

And these young women are majoring in sports management. Hoping to work directly under Tiger Woods.

Nothing newsworthy about any of this. Been going on since an athlete named Samson got recruited by the Philistine Lions.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Is It Ever a Good Time to Die?

Feelin' allright?
I'm not feelin' too good myself.

-Dave Mason, 1968

One of my best friends lost his mom last night.

Another friend lost his wife yesterday.

My mom went home seven years ago this month.

Pete left two years ago in November.

I'm a bit stove up at the moment with sadness for my friends and memories of my own.

Why is it harder this time of year?

Or, is it?

None of us gets out of here alive.

Why don't we prepare ourselves better?

The birth of a child is filled with months (sometimes years) of excited anticipation. We celebrate the event every year.

But how often do we talk about the certain death that is to come for each of us? What are we afraid of?

Like, not talking about it is going to make it not happen?

We all have a terminal disease. It's called life.

There are lots of grief counselors. Lots of grief songs. Lots of grief books. I've listened to and read lots of them.

And I've learned there are no magic words to heal what ails me.

Maybe there should be a new movement started to get us ready for the inevitable.

Give death a new name. Rebrand it. Learn to celebrate it's normalcy.

Call it something catchy. Like, Culmination Day.

Teach it to our children. Sing songs about it. Write poems about it.

So that it doesn't shock us. So that it doesn't leave those of us behind with such an emotional toll.

Maybe we have a warped sense of our mortality. In a world where it seems that nothing is impossible, how can something like death not be avoided?

We live so well. Maybe too well. We live healthier, longer.

Maybe we need to get our heads (or at least mine) out of the sand and realize the circle of life includes us. And mine. And me.

I hear you Pete. Yes, Mom.

"Get off my ass and quit with the pity party."

Thanks. I will.

'Cause there's too much to do before I die.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Fur is Flying

I live in Texas. Have a lost a cat or two over the years.

For all I know, Cruella de Ville may be wearing them to the next Dallas big-haired, big-busted, big-blonded celebritycharityathon.

But I suspect coyotes.

Having two new cats, I decided to do a little research.

Good golly Miss Molly, what a mess I've stumbled onto.

Who'd a thunk there would be spin-meisters of Paul Begala's level and high-pitched caterwauling between rival animal rights groups who have latched on to the coyote versus cat (or vice versa) issue.

So, here's how it started.

A couple of professors published an article on coyotes and cats.

These two professors surely didn't expect the dust-up to follow. All they were doing was their required "publish or perish" work to continue their search for tenure.

Here are the highlights.

Journal of Wildlife Management 73(5):683-685. 2009
doi: 10.2193/2008-033

Observations of Coyote–Cat Interactions

Shannon E. Grubbsa and Paul R. Krausman1b

aGraduate Research Assistant, University of Arizona, School of Natural Resources, Biological Sciences E 325, Tucson, AZ 85721, USA

bBoone and Crockett Professor of Wildlife, Wildlife Biology Program, University of Montana, Missoula, MT 59812, USA


Coyotes (Canis latrans) pose a risk to domestic cats (Felis catus). We captured, radiocollared, and tracked 8 coyotes from November 2005 to February 2006 for 790 hours in Tucson, Arizona, USA. We observed 36 coyote–cat interactions; 19 resulted in coyotes killing cats. Most cats were killed in residential areas from 2200 hours to 0500 hours during the pup-rearing season. Single coyotes were as effective killing cats as were groups (>1) of coyotes. Documented cases of predators killing cats could encourage cat owners to keep their cats indoors and assist wildlife managers in addressing urban wildlife issues.

Thanks for pointing this out, perfessers.

And yippee for the good kitty surviving or better in half of these altercations.

As I continued reading the Google postings on this topic, this article keeps popping up.

Guess who's latched on to this "research" and is now peddling it? The American Bird Conservancy.

Yep. The good folks at the ABC are using this info to scare cat owners into never letting their cats outdoors.

Guess why.

Cats like to chase birds. And sometimes, the cats get one.

"Birding organizations such as the American Bird Conservancy (ABC), which estimates that free-roaming cats kill more than 100 million birds each year, were quick to encourage cat owners to keep cats inside", reports the usually more reliable Christian Science Monitor that has now swallowed the hook on this non-story.

If one of my none to excitable cats would just put a scare into the grackles I would give him a pound of fresh lox.

But the story is not nearly over.

Oh, no. The good folks at the ABC have now offended the good folks at the Feral Cat Coalition.

“The bird people are always exaggerating the danger cats pose,” says Carol Ameer, treasurer of the San Diego-based Feral Cat Coalition.

The perfessers must be amazed that their half-assed study of 36 coyotes has now become real live research that these other Nimrods have glommed onto and turned into a bitch fight that has nothing to do with coyotes.

Seems to me the obvious missing headline in all of this is:

"Coyotes Getting Their Asses Kicked by Pussies."

Friday, December 4, 2009

Baby, It's Cold Outside

Winter isn't here. But it sure feels like it.

So while we're whining about it, here's a story that will make it all better.

A dear friend is known to his friends as The Doctor.

He makes his living in the apparel industry. But he has this presence that makes it easy to sell him to the unsuspecting as The Doctor.

He has been a neurosurgeon that has performed the only successful brain transplant, a heart surgeon when it helped us get a table in New York, and at least once a plastic surgeon specializing in breast implants.

So anyway, The Doctor was on a weeks long sourcing trip in China.

He returned to his home near Green Bay, Wisconsin one really cold winter night.

He slipped and spun his two wheel drive Lexus home from the airport. It's after midnight on a day that began in Shanghai.

Jet-lagged, exhausted, he lugs his bags to the front door up the icy walkway and narrowly avoids falling on his butt. (Oh, that's right. He was also once a proctologist.)

Unlocks the front door and has that "I made it home" euphoric moment.

Stumbles inside, sits on the couch, and begins to peel off the layers of clothing.

Then he hears a dripping sound from the kitchen.

Begins looking for the drip, can't find it, but notices that it is really cold in the house. He can see his breath in the kitchen.

Checks the thermostat. The heat is set for on, but there is no heat in the house.

About this time, nature calls.

Goes to the downstairs toilet. It's frozen.

Goes to the upstairs toilets. They're frozen.

Now nature is calling more urgently, and it has become a conference call.

The Doctor is in agony.

He is a dignified, discreet man. In all the times we've played golf together, I've never seen him take a whizz outside.

So he now faces Hobson's choice. Go outside for relief, or don't and deal with the consequences.

He makes the hardest decision of his life, and walks out the back door.

It is blessedly dark. He finds a sheltered spot behind the wood pile.

Drops trou.

And then the motion detector floodlights on the outside of his house come on. He remembers installing them a few weeks ago for added protection while he traveled.

He feels like he's on "Cops".

He hurries to finish his business. At which time it occurs to him there is no Charmin' to squeeze out behind the woodpile.

As he sits their squatting in his embarrassment and anguish, he notices the dog. The neighbor's dog has been watching this all. He convinces himself the dog will tell.

The Doctor goes back into the house.

It's freezing. It is two in the morning.

He calls the heating guy, who actually answers.

The Doctor is told that it's probably just a pilot light that had blown out.

The heating guy comes in the middle of the night. Fires up the heater.

Then delivers this news.

"Your pipes are going to start busting as it warms up. First will be the upstairs bathrooms, and then downstairs. If you have anything you don't want ruined, you might want to start moving it now. You have about 30 minutes."

The Doctor recalls all the precious stuff in the basement. Family heirlooms. Photos.

He moves like Speed Racer up and down the stairs to get everything in the basement to the already stuffed detached garage.

He moves the furniture around to try to get it as best he can out of harm's way.

Then sits on the couch, and listens as the pipes begin to groan. Then watches as the water starts to come thru the celing from upstairs bathroom one. Then upstairs bathroom two.

And then the pipes below him on the first floor go.

The good news is he can't hear the dripping any more in the kitchen.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The Christmas Story

Tis the season.

It snowed today in Dallas.

Lights are up.

The tree is in the house.

The house is full of kids and grandkids.

Fire burning, and it is the best kind of warm.

The manger scene is up on the bookcase.

I picked up my two year old grandson and took him to the manger scene to explain.

"Ollie, this is the manger where Jesus was born. This is the angel overhead. Can you say angel?"


"Ollie, do you know who this is? Her name is Mary."


"Oliver, this is Joseph."


"And do you know who this is?"

"Baby Jesus".

"You are so right, baby boy. Do you know what baby Jesus did?"

"He farketed. And pooped."

To a two year old looking at a plastic replica of a baby in a loose diaper that was fully man and fully God, his perspective may be the most honest yet.

It isn't recorded in Scripture. But it is now in my head.

And I believe it is true.

Thank you, Ollie.

The Christmas Story just got so much more real, human, believable and honest.

Where are the leaders?

The job of leaders is to give their people the resources needed to succeed.

General McChrystal, men and women in uniform, how encouraged you must feel.

The man on the ground, the man responsible for killing the enemy and protecting the lives of all that report to him, has reported we are losing.

He requested a minimum of 42,000 more.

The knuckleheads in Washington came up with 30,000.

And left our military in Afghanistan waiting for months for their collective genius.

President Obama, if this is a war "we cannot lose", then why?

You should have sent everything asked for, and more.

Read the book, Kill bin Laden. Ask those men that were there that day when we had him surrounded how many they think it will take today to scour him out of those badlands.

And Sir, what will be done to the Pakistanis if they don't man up?

And Sir, what will be done about Iran and their weaponry being sent into Afghanistan?

And Sir, why did you leave yourself (as my grandpa would say) with "your ass flapping in the breeze because you weren't smart enough to cover it"?

You send less than requested. And announce when we will be leaving.

Fighting an enemy that marks time in epochs, not months, what do you think their reaction might be? I'll bet the birth rate in the border region goes up considerably in the next 18 months.

Why fight and waste resources? They will just wait. Hide. Spend time with the Mrs. Mullah. Let it get real quiet.

Then it will look like your strategy was just perfect.

And then they will start all over.

Trying to satisfy every possible special interest group around the world has lead to this muddling strategy.

Sir, our objective has to be to win.

Your job is to lead us to that victory.

That is the only measurement that counts.