Friday, August 14, 2009

Your breath smells like . . .


It's when guys try to top one another verbally.

Trash talk.

Yo mama jokes.

It is a great bonding game between two guys, especially father and son.

My 23 year old and I have been at it for years.

He started it, so blame him for what is about to follow and offend you.

You start with, "Your breath smells like", and then finish with something, well, offensive.

We text each other with them constantly.

We once drove from San Francisco to Dallas together. 32 hours of "your breath smells like . . ."

Some of the toppers over the years.

Like Ray Charles' eyes.

Like moth balls.

Like a wino's taint.

Like desperation. (Yes, there is room for concept humor.)

Like the back strap of Rosie O'Donnell's bra.

Like boiled hot dog water.

Like Michael J. Fox playing Jenga.

Like the bottom deck of the Mayflower.

Like Tijuana poontang.

Like denture water.

Like a question mark.

Like a haunted house.

Like Hurricane Katrina.

Like a grandma's panty hose.

Like Armageddon.

Like the shithouse door on a shrimp boat.

Like Chris Farley's underwear.

Like Aretha Franklin's tampon.

You now have two choices.

Be disgusted with men.

Or, jump in and give it your best shot.

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