Wednesday, February 3, 2010

This is so not a man's world

This is a man's world, this is a man's world
But it wouldn't be nothing, nothing without a woman or a girl


-James Brown, Godfather of Soul


James,

Brother, I got bad news.

It ain't even close.

It's a woman's world.

At least in these United States.

Example 1.

For the first time in my life, I am living alone. Since I left my parents home to go to college, I have always lived with other people. Roommates, wives, children.

Go to the grocery store tonight to buy dinner makings.

Green beans and Success Rice.

The directions say I need a medium saucepan.

Whoever wrote those directions was a woman writing to another woman. Women know what a medium saucepan is.

I'm not making sauce.

Just need to boil some stuff.

I think that's a pot. But, now I'm so confused, I'll just order pizza.

Example 2.

All across the country, there are restaurants that feature wings, burgers, and other fried foods. And the servers are all 20 something beautiful girls the age of my daughters.

It's the kind of food men like. But I can't go in there for fear of meeting one of my daughter's girlfriends or classmates.

The women make good money doing their job. And not because of the quality of the food.

Where are the diners like Mel's or the Silver Spoon where a man can go get a square meal without a show?

Example 3.

The internet.

Supposedly invented (I'm joking because he wasn't smart enough to do it) by Al Gore.

It is a female feeding frenzy.

Women have an instictual need and ability to communicate 24/7. And they do via the various methods on the world wide interweb.

Men just need short quick messages.

"Where?" "Colts or Saints?" "What time we leaving for the deer lease?"

Our lives were better when payphones were king.

Example 4.

The ladies have taken over the music business.

Sorry, bro, but you wouldn't have made the finals for the Grammys.

There's no room for your type. Or Teddy Pendergrass. Or Elvis.

It's all Lady Gaga and Pink.



James, it's all gone wrong.

We need you back.

Or a close equivalent.

Until then, I'm going to be trying to figure out the difference in paper towels between select-a-sheet and superabsorb.

Hurry.

There's not much time.

Peace and love,

White Chocolate

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