Thursday, April 2, 2009

18 year old first graders

Have you noticed you many parents are deciding to start their kid's schooling at a later age?

Nine year olds in second grade? 20 year old quarterbacks in high school?

Maybe they are on to something.

Maybe we have life all screwed up.

Maybe we should have our retirement years when we are young.

Let's make it a law that you can't start school until you are 18.

Then you would finish high school when you are 30. Think about the quality of high school sports!!! And it would be free!

We all know you don't know crap until you are at least 35, so that would be perfect for the freshly minted college grads.

Eighteen years to play. When you are at the peak of physical shape. Peak mental curiousity. Peak sexuality.

Go to work at 35 and work till you die. We are living longer and being much more productive in later years. Let's let the old folks start pulling their weight. And this way, you wouldn't have 28 year old asshole investment analysts running the business world.

Think of the changes. Daytime TV would be a mash of MTV, Family Guy and Top Model. No more Social Security issues. In fact, we could change it to Social Ingenuity and give every kid $500 a month from age 10 to 18. Talk about a stimulus package.

Kids would be available to do all kinds of errands so people can really focus on work.

And since people are working till they croak, no more worries about nursing homes. You just get the call one day that pops has fallen over on his desk. "Can you pick him up by 5 so we can reset the office for his replacement?"

Wish I had thought of this much earlier. I would love to redo first grade at 18.

When I did it at 6, Cheryl Smith hadn't yet turned into the bomb. At 18, wocka wocka.

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