As a new father in 1981, I was very concerned for the safety and well being of my family.
So, I spent many hours in the basement workshop after everyone was asleep working on a formula to make life safer.
And I did. And I can prove it.
I developed elephant repellant.
I used it all around our homes in Georgia, Texas and California.
Not once has any of my family been harmed or even had a glimpse of an elephant.
Not once have I had to call on the police, fire or animal control to deal with elephants.
Nope, my special formula was so strong that the elephants never even came within view.
What peace of mind this has brought us.
And now, to continue to improve the safety and well being of our lives, I am working on a new concoction.
This one will cause the earth to cool.
If there is enough left over after properly treating my home, I am going to start a business selling it to governments around the world.