Saturday, March 21, 2009

The Taxman and the Waxman

If you drive a car, I'll tax the street,
If you try to sit, I'll tax your seat.
If you get too cold I'll tax the heat,
If you take a walk, I'll tax your feet.

-The Beatles

"Sure, if you will just lie back, I will pour hot wax on your crotch and rip out your pubic hair by the roots. But no checks or credit cards. That will be $50 cash. In advance."

Just typing those words I scrunch everything. Ouch. Aaaaggghhh. As a man, the only feeling that comes to mind is when I slid off the front of the banana seat on my Stingray bike and had my 10 year old maleness meet the cold steel of that cross bar.

"Oh, you want all of the hair gone? Including the tender ones attached to your pee-pee and your taint? Sure. That will be $100."

I think I just did a kegel.

The state of New Jersey had a busy day on Friday. In the morning, they announced they would be suspending genital waxing in the interest of public health. Seems some women had developed health issues due to what’s known as the Brazilian process.

By the end of the day, the state had reversed course and was not banning the procedure.

And I think we know the reason why. As in most things in this world, follow the money.

Seems the good folks in New Jersey spend a lot of dough getting down to the nub.

Linda Orsuto, who owns 800 West Salon & Spa in (wouldn’t you know it) Cherry Hill, a Philadelphia suburb, said she was relieved. Orsuto estimated that bikini waxing brought in about $90,000 last year. That's a substantial amount of business for her salon, which performed about 1,800 treatments - most of which were Brazilian-style.

No sales, no sales tax. The pols in New Jersey know a good thing when they see it.

Can’t wait for the Congressional hearings to start. Washington loves sin taxes. Alcohol. Tobacco. Gambling.

Since it’s Brazilian, maybe there is a sin tax and an import tax.

Go get ‘em Congress. Rep. Henry Waxman is Chairman of the Oversight and Government Reform Committee. This is a great one for you to sink your teeth into.

Rep. Waxman represents Los Angeles. The recent hot Hollywood look in hair down there is the "Tiffany Box," where the bikini area is waxed into a small square, bleached out and dyed powder blue like the jewelry store gift boxes.

Now you got sin tax, import tax, and luxury tax to work on. Congress, here’s your chance to grab America by the short hairs before it’s all gone.

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