Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Like a cow pissing on a flat rock

That's how it's raining tonight in North Texas.

Get the picture?

Folks that farm and ranch have a way of explaining weather.

And tonight, the cow is a whizzing. And the flat rock is wet and so is everything around it.

We don't get gentle rain like much of the country. It either comes in big dumps, or it doesn't come at all.

Tonight we got the rain and heat lightning in the sky that is better than any fireworks you've ever seen.

Lot's of folks like to piss on Texas.

Like we're backwards.

Like we all wear ten gallon hats and hubcap sized belt buckles.

Yes, we have some posers. And we have some knuckleheads.

But so do you.

We do have people that wear ten gallon hats cause they are protection from the sun, the rain, the wind. Because they ranch.

And you enjoy the Black Angus cattle they raise.

We do have people with large belt buckles cause they won them in a rodeo.

That's right, a rodeo.

We still have high school rodeos in the rural parts of Texas.

You have to take your kids to a zoo or a field trip to meet a cow, a goat or a mule.

Many folks here have them in their yard.

Texas is the home of most of the oil companies. They ain't stupid.

Texas is the home of NASA. They ain't stoopid either.

Texas is the home of SXSW, the hippest music festival in the world.

Texas is the home of Dell, the computer company that changed the computing world.

Texas is the home of Texas Instruments. The folks that invented the chip that makes every frigging thing in your world run.

Texas is the home of Willie Nelson, Erykay Badu, Barbara Jordan, Mollie Ivins, Stevie Ray Vaughn, ZZ Topp, George Strait, Kinky Friedman, Clint Black, Tommy Lee Jones, Matthew McConaughey, Sam Houston, Audie Murphy, Ann Richards, Paul Fucking Begala, and alot of other folks that have made a difference.

So, give us a break. We were a country all our own, and gave up our independence to join the U.S.

Our economy is stronger than most countries and certainly every other state in the Union.

When a blue Norther heads our way, we might say, "It'll be enough to knock your hat in the creek."

That's because it is. And that's because we still have folks on the farm and ranch that just might lose their hat bringing in that lost cow. That one day you will enjoy with horseradish.

Just because we are happy with who we are, and at the moment fairly successful, don't hate on us.

Chamillionaire is from Houston, and he certainly wants your love.

So do Carol Burnett, Steve Martin, Bill Engvall, Dimebag Darrell Abbott, Larry McMurtry, T-Bone Burnett, Kelly Clarkson, Van Cliburn, Lyle Lovett, Selena Gomez, Buddy Holly, Janis Joplin, George Jones, Beyonce, Lil Flip, Steve Miller, Boz Scaggs, Nelly, Roy Orbison, Walter Cronkite, and Usher (amongst many others) who were born here.

Don't hate us for colorful people and colorful language.

We can't help it if we have the toughest, smartest, most beautiful people in the world.

And most of yours are as ugly as a bucket of hair.

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