Monday, January 4, 2010

Office Space

Pete had three dream jobs.

A tour guide in Nice and Paris.

A 2LT in the U.S. Army.

And an internship with the Dallas Cowboys and Dallas Desperados.

The internship turned out to be a bad dream.

He quickly figured out that if you aren't playing or coaching, it's just bidness.

Here is his take on corporate life.

Also explains why eating MREs in Taji were more satisfying to his soul.

Intern Is Bored at Work: Cites boredom due to possible lack of significant things to do
March 2005

by Pete Burks/Associated Press

IRVING - In the midst of saying the usual ''Hey, how's it going,'' ''What's up Jerry

(indirect point),'' and other nonsensical superficial jargon, it occurred to intern

Pete Burks, of Celina, TX, that he has nothing to do at work.

''Well, basically, I come in and sit at my desk, surf the web until I get to the end

of the internet, and then proceed to zone out for a few hours after lunch,'' said


It seems that the phenomenon known as lackofpurpose-it is, aka, ''office boredom,''

is the latest in a series of epidemics to sweep Corporate America. Lately, Corporate

America has been accused of ''soul sucking,'' ''extreme greed,'' and ''greasing the

gears of capitalism with the blood of the workers.''

According to Corporate America's official policy website (, in a

world of such exciting things as Microsoft Outlook Express, creating Xcel

spreadheets, and keeping expense reports, one would think that the average American

worker would find plenty of fulfillment during the average 8-5 experience. Not so,

says Burks.

''I find that most of the day, I end up reading about everything from the Dallas

Desperados to the Gross Domestic Product growth rate of China,'' said Burks. ''Call

it a problem of motivation. Most of the time, office work feels like this. I blame

it all on THE MAN.''

When asked just who ''THE MAN'' was, Burks described ''THE MAN'' as ''THE

ESTABLISHMENT'' that tries to ''KEEP HIM DOWN.'' Burks also speculated that ''THE

MAN'' sometimes goes by the alias of ''Tad McCrotch.''

When reached at the corporate headquarters of Corporate America USA, co. inc., ''THE

MAN'' had no commnet. However, official spokesperson for ''THE MAN,'' public

relations middle managment investment analyst coordinator, John Stewart, defended

''THE MAN'S'' ''beat you into submission'' policies.

''I go to work every day in a nicely pressed shirt, tie, and suit, and I have no

problem with the fact that I schmooze as much as possible while trying to lean on

the water cooler and point and wink at as many people as possible all day long''

quipped Stewart. ''When it comes down to it, being falsely enthused about what you

do to make that extra dollar is how work is supposed to be.''

When asked about the possibility that he might be wasting his life away inside the

confines of an office and thereby watching the inner flame of his soul

extinguished, Stewart said,''What soul is there outside the coporate soul? I just

don't see the issue.....excuse me while I massage the numbers a bit.''

- The office storage space of the Dallas Desperados contributed heavily to this report

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