Friday, May 22, 2009

Snot

Adam and Eve lived in the Garden of Eden.

Trees, grass, and all kinds of beautiful growing things.

Did they have to deal with snot?

Did they sneeze and have their eyes turn red when the ragweed grew?

I spend alot of time in Dallas.

The allergy capital of the world.

Doctors that make their living treating allergies move here from around the world.

Everything grows here that can make you sneeze. What doesn't grow here blows in with the endless wind.

Oh yeah. Chicago is not the Windy City because of wind. It's called the Windy City because of the gossip that is part and parcel of the culture.

Dallas is much windier than Chicago in terms of the air blowing.

The wind picks up crap in California and beyond and on the way and dumps it here.

Dear Lord, why do you put us in beautiful green places and then make us allergic to it?

I've had the scratch tests and I'm allergic to grasses, trees, and cats. And we have one.

I'm pretty sure I have set the record for number of sneezes in a row. 25 so far. And the amount of snot that one person can produce. Haven't measured, but it seems we are in the gallons category.

Not really something to be proud of, but maybe the Guiness Book of Records might be interested.

I hear from friends across the country with similar issues. New York. Atlanta. Los Angeles. Chicago.

Lord, are we living in a forbidden land?

Why else would you punish us this way?

Every other commercial is about allergy medicine. (None of which seems to work.)

Do the folks in Europe, Asia and the other continents suffer like us poor put upon Americans? Like, is that why life in Canada seems to be so peaceful?

OK. I get it. It's a tradeoff. We live in the best country on earth. But there is a price to be paid.

For every cherry blossom tree along the Potomac (donated by the Japanese to thank us for our help in freeing them), we have to sneeze.

That's fair. We get freedom. We get the best economy. We get the best of everything.

And for that, we get snot. And lot's of it.

Thank you, Lord.

I could be living in Baghdad where I had no allergies, but was occasionally blinded by sandstorms.

I can deal with the tradeoff.

Just one favor to ask.

Bob, the cat, lives outdoors and catches all the mice and snakes. Could you just take him off the list?

No other cats. Just Bob.

No comments:

Post a Comment