Sunday, May 31, 2009

Huge Mexican Rats

As though California doesn't have enough problems, there is a serious infestation of large Mexican rats.

In fact, since moving here seven months ago, one in particular has terrorized this neighborhood.

Twenty-four hours a day it makes this throaty squeak to let you know it is around. Incessant, regular as a metronomome. What gonads on this vermin.

After beginning a hunt, I determined to my astonishment that this thing had terrorized one family across the street to the point that they had turned their yard over to El Diablo. They never come outside. They never are in their yard. Only the constant taunting of their nemesis.

The worst is at night. All night. Louder and louder until you are at the verge of insanity. No white noise, soft music or nature CD can block the peculiar unnerving pitch.

Since the local government officials were incapable of dealing with such evil, I took it upon myself for the safety of the town to take this thing down.

It was too fast for pellet guns. It was too smart to go for poisoned food. It seemed to know every move in advance. And, its demonic noise just continued.

This morning, I had an epiphany. If anyone should know how to deal with Mexican rats, who better than the nice Mexican guys that work for Waste Management? Surely, they had dealt with such things.

When I heard their truck in the neighborhood around dawn, I ran downstairs to them. Thru my pitiful Spanish, I tried to explain the problem.

Their eyes got wide. "Si, senor. Donde?"

I showed them the poor victims' house as the first light of day appeared.

Within minutes, they had taken three flanking positions. With raptor like speed, they pounced and had it in a sturdy bag. Yes, this was familiar territory for these hunters.

"Gracias, senor."

I was confused. They had saved me and the neighborhood from a certain slow death. Yet, they were thanking me.

"No, gracias a mis amigos."

As their green and yellow truck drove out of sight, I could hear these brave men celebrate with howls of laughter and victory chants.

"Aye, chihuahua", they squealed over and over.

I will never tell those neighbors how I saved them. The Bible teaches us not to seek glory on earth for helping someone in need.

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