The meanest sumbitch in Texas

There are lots of great things in Texas.  Unfortunately, the interstate highway system isn't one of them.  And I-35 is the worst of them all.  

I-35 runs from Laredo, Texas to Duluth, Minnesota.  1568 miles.  And 503.9 of those miles are in Texas.  

I think Texas has a secret population control plan.  Which is probably right-minded given all of the people moving here. What else would explain this stretch of concrete mayhem?  It is the 5th most deadly road per mile in the nation.  For every 100 miles of the highway to hell, I-35 in Texas averages 12.56 deaths per year.  This road averages over 22,000 crashes per year.  

Why?  Why is it such a mess?  

Reason 1:  The road isn't large enough to handle all of the traffic.  Or, there's too many dam vehicles on the road.  You pick. 

Depending on which part of this ballbuster you are driving, it might be four lanes wide and it might be two lanes.  And sometimes just for fun, they'll dial it down to one lane (at night) during construction.  This for the de facto route North and South route for 18 wheelers and the jillion other people driving their cars, motorcycles, pickup trucks, RVs, and other contraptions, at speeds not meant to be driven by a human on a public highway. 

Reason 2:  The formerly mentioned construction.  The endless construction.  I don't know which government entity manages this stupidity, but they must be paying by the hour for the work that's sorta getting done.  Construction everywhere on this slab.  Those median barriers that you need a Formula 1 car to navigate thru.  (You can tell by all of the tire marks on those concrete death traps.)  

Reason 3:  Waco.  It's sometimes pronounced Whacko, which is fitting but not the correct pronunciation.  WAY-CO.  Waco is an old Indian word for shithole.  I-35 thru Waco has been under construction, reconstruction, updating, widening, etc. for 35 years.  And it isn't going to end anytime soon.  And I don't mean to disparage the fine educational institution there.  Why, Midway High School is an excellent school.

Reason 4:  Rubbernecking.  Sometimes it's to peer at the carnage across the median in the lane going the opposite direction.  But many times, it's to ponder the amazing roadside oddities that are a never-ending source of debate, tall tales and rear-end crashes.  

For instance, there is the Monolithic Institute.  What on God's green earth is that you ask?  Well, here's what it looks like.  It's next to the Northbound side of the Grim Reaper Highway near Italy, Texas.  (More about Italy, Texas to come.)

Then of course is the Milford Tower.  Near Milford, Texas.  Where you can skydive if driving I-35 is too tame for you.  Here's a pic.  

Oh, the guesses, the theories, the stories, the myths.  "They use that thing to catch the skydivers if their chute don't open."  "It's the world's biggest lightening rod."  "It's the latest project of the Branch Davidians."  

The truth is actually stranger than fiction.  This lonesome tower in this pitiful pasture is owned by Viziv Technologies.  It is designed to mimic Nikola Tesla's Wardenclyffe Tower.  Tesla built his tower on Long Island in the early 1900's.  It was to send messages, telephone, facsimiles images and wireless power transmission.  (So Tesla was way ahead of Lily from AT&T).

The good folks at Viziv plan to use their tower in Milford for exactly what Tesla built his to do.  Good luck to them.  In the meantime, now you know the rest of the story.

Then, there is Quarry Row.  It looks like the movie set for the next Transformers movie.  Massive in scale.  Machines the size of Jeff Bezos' ego.  Thirty miles of eleven rock-mining operations just south of New Braunfels.  You can't miss it.  It's just behind the Snake Zoo.  

Reason 4:  Getting lost.  It seems impossible to get lost on a major North-South Interstate Highway.  But, it happens.  Primarily because folks have an issue with their vehicle, call for help, and can't get help because they can't pronounce the name of the town they are in.

If your boat trailer breaks loose in Buda, do not call and say you need help in Buddha.  You are in "BYOO-duh".  

If your RV runs out of gas in Italy ()and there are a killion RVs on I-35, you are not in Italy as in the country where Sophia Loren originated.  You are in "It-ly".  

If you run out of gas in Bexar County, you are not in Bex-are County.  It's "Bear" County.

If your pontoon boat (please God shoot me if I'm ever the captain of a pontoon boat wearing white New Balance shoes and a Come and Take It t-shirt), gets blown off of its trailer by the constant winds, and you are in Gruene, please know it is pronounced "Green".  

And then, there is Waxahacie.  I've misprounced this town most of my time in Texas.  It is another town with an American Native name.  'WAKS-uh-HATCH-ee."  Beware Waxahacie.  It's a lovely town.  But I-35 running thru there is a killer.  

Reason 5:  Ft. Worth.  Pronounced Fote Worth.  If you take I-35W thru that town, God Bless you.  The construction is nuts and the opportunity for a wreck is over the top.  Last year during a light ice-storm, 6 people were killed and there were over 130 related wrecks.  

Reason 6:  Idiots. Pickup trucks the size of a large earth-moving machine driven by 16 year old lucky sperm club wanna be cowboys.  Mexican tourist buses.  Pickup trucks with a slew of ladders and pvc pipe in the back.  Hoop-dees.    

Here's a link to previous insight on this issue: http://burkslaw.blogspot.com/2015/08/the-roads-of-madness.html

In summary, be careful on I-35.  And, don't worry about Texas.  It might thin the herd, but we will survive the widowmaker. 

We always do.  We survived Santa Anna.  We survived Bonnie and Clyde.  Heck, we even survived Janet Reno.