I Can't Breathe

June 4, 2009.

I was asleep.

It was about 8 pm.

I was living in Manhattan Beach, California. In the same apartment as my sweet daughter and my soon to be ex.

In the midst of a divorce.

To gain leverage, my ex called the cops.

She lied to them.  Said I was a drunkard, an abuser and violent.  None of that was true.


I heard an unusual knock on the door.

I woke up and walked into the hallway.  It was a trap.

There were at least 10 policeman in this tiny apartment.  My ex had claimed I was an abuser and a violent man.

I walked in to the hallway.

They asked me to sit down.  I explained that our 7 year old daughter was asleep in the bedroom where I had read her stories.

They then asked me to put my hands behind my back.  I did.


They then started to handcuff me.


I am claustrophobic and have anxiety attacks when I'm trapped in an enclosed space.


I tried to explain to the officers.


They took my resistance as aggresion.


Immediately, they took me to the ground. Or, the carpet of the apartment.

Six cops on top of me.  One had his knee on my neck.   Two had my legs.  One punched me repeatedly on my right jaw.  Broke my glasses, gave me a gash on the cheek and dislocated my jaw.

I was Tased three times.

When you have anxiety attacks and you can't breathe, you will do whatever you can to get air.

"I can't breathe".  I'm not trying to fight you.  I can't breathe".

I fought for my life.

I often wonder how close it was to them shooting me.


For some reason, they hogtied me and let me up.


The Sargent in charge explained to me that my soon to be ex had called them to the apartment because of my "violent behavior."   He then said to me that he understood what was going on.  He said this was a common tactic in Los Angeles divorce cases.


I ended up in jail.  Had to bail out.

The jail Sargent said to me, "Mr. Burks, I am so sorry you are in here.  You are not a violent man.  You are in here because of a nasty divorce lawyer and your soon to be ex wife.  You are a good man caught in a bad situation."

I can't know for sure what happened in George Floyd's situation.  If George had anxiety issues, it might explain some of his actions.

I can know that anxiety can cause a resistance against force with not pleasant responses.


To those that police us, I understand your concerns for safety.  Including your own.


I was choked down in the whitest of white suburbs of Los Angeles.


To the Floyd family, I think from what I see on video that George was wronged.  I think I was within seconds of that happening to me.

To those in blue, there has to be a better way.  White, black, brown, yellow or any combination.


Let's all get better.

Grace and Peace.

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